yesterday i went to buy something and the store owner looked up and said something to me in chinese and i was so surprised i just said “what” in english and then we stared at each for a full ten seconds like what the fuck we are in spain
I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”
I wish dates didn’t have such strong romantic attachment to them.
Like, I wish I could go up to a friend of mine and be like, “Hey I want to take you to a nice restaurant. Let’s get dressed up fancy and go.”
We’d go have a fancyass dinner, but there’d be no romantic involvement.
I wish platonic dates were a common thing.
I would take each and every one of you on platonic dates.
????? It’ S cALLED??? SPENDING TIME??? WITH A FRIEND??
EVERY SINGLE EASTER MY MOTHER HIDES A THREE POUND EASTER EGG IN THE HOUSE AND SETS MY BROTHERS AND I OFF TO GO FIND IT AND GUESS WHO GOT IT FOR THE FOURTH CONSECUTIVE YEAR IN A ROW
NOT THOSE LIL BITCHES