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exemplarybehaviour:

yesterday i went to buy something and the store owner looked up and said something to me in chinese and i was so surprised i just said “what” in english and then we stared at each for a full ten seconds like what the fuck we are in spain 

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  • 2 hours ago
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narwhal-noir:

I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”

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  • 2 hours ago
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I am going to start swearing by authors

superwhatlocked:

becca-morley:

thepreciousthing:

thecoffeetragedy:

flippyspoon:

dragonsigma:

"Holy mother of Mary Shelley!"

"What the Tolkien?"

"By Victor Hugo’s spare underpants!"

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph Conrad!"

"Pardon my Molière, but I don’t give a Faulkner."

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Thank you supernatural fandom

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takohai:

mishion-possible:

lamdiel:

I wish dates didn’t have such strong romantic attachment to them.

Like, I wish I could go up to a friend of mine and be like, “Hey I want to take you to a nice restaurant. Let’s get dressed up fancy and go.”

We’d go have a fancyass dinner, but there’d be no romantic involvement.

I wish platonic dates were a common thing.

I would take each and every one of you on platonic dates.

????? It’ S cALLED??? SPENDING TIME??? WITH A FRIEND??

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  • 1 day ago
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“i dont care about looks”

LIAR

YOU’RE A LIAR

YOU ARE LYING

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unsuccessfulmetalbenders:

EVERY SINGLE EASTER MY MOTHER HIDES A THREE POUND EASTER EGG IN THE HOUSE AND SETS MY BROTHERS AND I OFF TO GO FIND IT AND GUESS WHO GOT IT FOR THE FOURTH CONSECUTIVE YEAR IN A ROW

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NOT THOSE LIL BITCHES

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snpchatting:

some of the outfit choices i made 3/4 years ago haunt me everyday

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  • 1 day ago
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